An attempt to make sense of things in a random universe, one Friday at a time.

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Location: Philippines

Leaving my footsteps for you to find and follow, my love.

27 July 2007


On a night as wondrous as you are,
may the reticence of the wind cool your brow ā€“
ever smooth, bathed in the silver song
of a thousand fairies ā€“
while your heart sings in eternal refrain:
glorious, wild, female.

26 July 2007


It took less time that I expected, but I suppose I'm alright now. Not exactly as I was before, of course, but back into life nevertheless. After all, I've been through this before, and I'm fine. There are things in life that we will never know the answers to. In trying to make sense of things, sometimes the most sensible thing to do is to simply throw away the questions and walk through darkness into light, where answers are not in the form of words but in vapors, colors, and wind. Life, though short, is beautiful that way.

My friends have been wonderful, and my family, especially my Dad, has been just perfect. Thank you so much to everyone for all the comments on my blog, the emails, the text messages, the heady conversations over lunch and coffee and cake, and the phone calls -- especially the ones at 2 a.m. Thank you also for the quiet, for the space, for the time, and for the not-asking-too-much. Thank you for understanding that I don't have the answers, and thank you for being there when I, the normally sensible writer, was not really making much sense. Thank you also for the talk about everything else, about book publishing, about Miss Jean Brodie, about Aimee Bender, about djinns, about J.K. Rowling, about Penguin books, about James Joyce, about numbers, about maids, about showbusiness, about old houses, about stalkers, about shoes and old movies and myopia. There's nothing like intelligent, rambling, off-tangent talk during a crisis to show us how strong -- and surprisingly fun -- our support group is.

So of course, this blog is moving again. I have added a few new things in the sidebar, such as links to the other blogs that have reviewed my blog, and a link to my library catalogue at The Library Thing. This is an ongoing project that will most likely never end, but it's definitely worth the expanse of time. As for the links, I'll keep adding and will not remove any, because many readers have been using this blog as a portal to the other reading and writing blogs, and I'm happy to be of assistance. I've also placed shortcut links to my favorite posts. Out of all my 73 posts, there are a few that I really like, and they provide a glimpse to the kind of writing that I do and the kind of person that I am.

And finally, the inevitable collapse -- of the old, I mean. I used to show all my posts on the front page of this blog, but last month I collapsed the older posts and showed just the most recent forty posts on the front page, which effectively created my archives. Now I'm further collapsing the front page to only fifteen, and will let the rest -- the past, so to speak -- fall back, to finally occupy the space it deserves. In an effort to let bygones be bygones, I'm letting archives be archives.

05 July 2007

Another chapter

A name died on my lips today, and I was not prepared for it. First there was the smell of jasmine, then there were voices around me, and then all of a sudden, the death happened. And then, the world went on as usual, while I stood still in the middle, not yet sure what happened in that split second where love had failed.

I sometimes tend to speak too soon. I have this habit of pouring my heart and soul into things and ideas that make sense only to me, and sometimes they turn out well, but sometimes they also turn out wrong, and so they fail me, and I am left with nothing to show for it but a handful of quotes and lines and snippets from old fractured scenes.

I am temporarily closing this blog. Under the weight of so many unanswered questions, and still reeling from the impact of disappointment and loss, I am unable to make sense of things.

Thus, this blog will have to stand still. This room will be empty for now except for old things, dust from old memories, the remains of fifteen months lived with much effort, much pain, and much hope, and Iā€™m sure, with even much more love, which I thought was enough. Who could have known I needed more? We are never really happy when we think we are.

I will still edit the sidebar from time to time, if only to show what I'm reading and to add links to new blog friends. Please feel free to browse my archives, and of course you are welcome to leave your messages. I hope to be back in time.