Sensibilities

An attempt to make sense of things in a random universe, one Friday at a time.

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Location: Philippines

Leaving my footsteps for you to find and follow, my love.

02 October 2015

Sky

In a week's time, you will be here with me again, after having lived in a different continent for eighteen months. Eighteen months I have managed to survive without you next to me, through all those days and nights of longing. Modern technology has helped to sustained us although sometimes Third World internet connection quality didn't always cooperate. There were instances in which the time difference seemed much more vast that what it actually is, due to normal human tiredness and the general chaos of daily life where each of us lived. And then there were those times when mere words seemed to turn into monsters that threatened to destroy everything that kept us together. But still, here we are.

Little did I know what magic I would be propelled to live through when we started. I already knew then that you were leaving the country in a few weeks, but by sheer force of our newness, we felt that it would be a piece of cake. It wasn't. It isn't. It's no full feast, either, but it's food to my soul nevertheless. When I was going through some of my darkest personal upheavals, you were the man in my life who took the brunt of it. When it felt like I was my own worst enemy, you were the one who told me I'm an angel. When I was leaning towards destruction, you leaned towards love and understanding. And when I thought it was all over, you were the small but profound and steady content in my social media that provided me with hope. You were not really the strongest of men; you had your own failings. But in the best way that you possibly can, you were my wall, my pillar, the roof over my head when the storm came, and when the water became overwhelming, you were my life raft in the middle of a heaving sea.


Though I have none of your composure and humor, I'd like to believe that I was able to bring some beauty into your life, that I had a hand in keeping you sane as you tried to adjust to your new life in a desert country. I'd like to believe that every time you called me in your moments of loneliness, I was able to give you some comfort. I'd like to believe that despite the darkness of uncertainty, I was your beacon of constancy, and I was someone who you will always look for, someone who you will always call, talk to, desire to be with.

You had to leave the country without us ever being able to fully enjoy each other. If I count the number of hours that we have been together, the total will not make even half a week. Yet with only half a week's worth of actual togetherness, we were able to outlast 2014. Now 2015 is coming to a close in three months, and still we remain a constant in each other's lives.

Last night I took a slow walk home after dinner, and I thought to pause to look for stars in the sky. It was a cloudy night; it rained very hard just yesterday afternoon as it always does in Manila. There were no stars that I could find. But the sky was there, as it always is. And very soon, in a week's time, you'll be flying through that sky to see me.

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